A student’s life is by no means an easy one, but one doesn’t usually realize this. A lot of people say they’d prefer going back to school than continue with their boring work. What they don’t realize is that they’re full grown up adults with a different psychology and approach to things than a student who has not yet been exposed fully to the realities of this world. This of course is not taking into consideration adult full time professional courses like MBA, CA, CFA or PhD but more on that later.
That being said, it becomes extremely important to realize what problems a student, no matter how young or old, faces. Suicide is an extreme step, and many youngsters take that leap without realizing the consequences. They don’t realize how painful it’ll be to their parents, siblings and other loved ones after they’re gone. No matter how poorly one performs in school, or how much their parents say that they deride him/her for not being “good enough”, suicide is never the option.
At this stage, I’d like to share an example quite close and personal to me. A friendly neighborhood uncle had an only son. He loved him a lot but it was tough love. They had a lot of money but he didn’t want to corrupt his son so he never gave in to his demands. Add to that the fact that he used to discipline him at every opportunity possible. If the kid was late back from playing outside, he used to get a scolding. If he wasn’t studying when he was supposed to be studying, he got a scolding. This bred a feeling of resentment within the kid.
One fine November evening in 2011, he got back home quite a bit late after roaming with his friends. Once he got back, the father said something along the lines of “Why don’t you study? Do you plan to mooch off of me for your entire life?” Obviously, the kid got sad, anyone would be and retreated to within the house. After a few minutes, a weird smell accompanied by a weird smoke emanated from the garage. It turned out the kid had poured diesel all over his body and lit it. A crowd gathered around and everyone frantically tried to put out the flame.
As is the case with any rural place in India, the local hospital couldn’t be of any help and only referred them to a hospital 3 hours away. The heavily burnt kid kept saying “I don’t want to die” on the way to the hospital. Sadly, he died by the time they reached. He was only 16. The whole family was devastated. I didn’t know the kid personally but knew the father well. I too, was shook by the incident. Even now whenever I meet him, I can’t help but notice the burn marks on his hand which he got trying to put out the fateful flame.
This was only one of thousands of cases we have every year in our country and over the world. In India, way too much emphasis is given on the professions of engineering and medicine. Everyone and their cousin is seen preparing for an engineering or medical entrance test. Most parents try to live their own dream through their children and as a result, put way too much pressure on them, sometimes, it really gets to them. Today’s youth seems to be overworked and underjoyed.
A simplistic solution to this horrible phenomenon is “love”. People should let their offsprings know that they love them. You should let your young friend know that you love them and believe in them. A positive attitude and positive feedback work wonders, especially to young impressionable minds. Schools should have proper counselors, both career and personal, to help students sort through their problems. It is not the perfect solution, but it’s a start nonetheless, because before your 30s is way too early to die.
Much love,
–SG
There are student suicides in other countries too but from what I have heard, not so many as in India. Pressure appears to be the main reason but depression, emotional (broken hearts), lack of attention and rejection are also causes. Referring to your personal sample, I would not blame the father. He sounded strict but did he physically or financially punish his son. It appears not so there may have been some other reason the boy took his own life. Sometimes a suicide amongst friends is instigated by other friends copying. It would be cruel to call this fashionable suicide. Go deeper SG and maybe the father was innocent.
LikeLiked by 5 people
Even I do not subscribe to the school of thought that the father was to blame. What I tried to point out was the fickle mindedness of adolescents who think ending it all is a viable solution.
As far as lack of attention, heartbreaks etc are concerned, even those give rise to the feeling that one is not “good enough”. For example, someone would think he is not good enough because his lover dumped him, while in reality it was just a spur of the moment fling like a lot of teens have.
Your point is very valid sir and I definitely could have written a lot of substance in those topics too. Thank you.
LikeLiked by 4 people
Over the years I’ve personally known quite a few suicides – one very good friend who had financial problems, later to learn he was innocent to the criminal charges he had been accused. At the time I was shocked by his death but over the years I have come to think of him as having been stupid. Nothing and I mean nothing is worth throwing your life away for.
LikeLiked by 4 people
That’s why you’re the Intrepid Optimist and others are not perhaps. 😀
Kidding aside, I completely agree with you here.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was reading through the whole comment section and thank you sirs for this insight. It has knocked some sense of me. I guess I really have to evaluate things on a more meaningful perspective rather just my own opinion. Have a great day to you both.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Glad to have made a difference. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
“Most parents try to live their own dream through their children” Yes, and this is wrong.
LikeLiked by 5 people
Very.
LikeLike
Tears came to me while reading that incident. When we don’t know what life is going to give the next minute all we can do is to live this moment. I never scolded my children for studies in fact I never told them to win I just tell to give the best and be confident. Thanks for this good share.
LikeLiked by 5 people
That is a good approach, yes, although a bit of competitive spirit needs to be bred in too. Only problem is, people usually cannot draw the line as to when it is too much.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yessss… exactly…try your best… Mindset a theory by Carol Dweck explores the power of ‘yet’ and it is something I always remember when dealing with my child…
LikeLiked by 3 people
👍
LikeLiked by 1 person
“Most parents try to live their own dream through their children and as a result, put way too much pressure on them, sometimes, it really gets to them. Today’s youth seems to be overworked and under-joyed.” OMG, truer words were ne’er spoken…
Amen amen and amen I love this… and in addition to love; time, attention, recreation. I try my utmost not to pressure my kid academically. I encourage and help him but never make him believe that the end all and be all is to be excellent at everything and to bring home a 100% average every time. I remember once I saw a video with a dad and his kid -the kid didn’t look past 6- they were Indian, and they were doing homework or whatever and every time the child got something wrong he would kick the child in his face, slap him, omg… it was horrible to look at…
I agree with you so much…the story with the 16yo is really sad though… I mean in the heat of the moment (no pun intended) just a split second he felt like the only way out was death… because it was kinda botched he was able to rethink…
LikeLiked by 2 people
That’s horrible, but true. I myself as an Indian have seen many such harsh examples, thankfully my parents never beat me up like a savage. Anyway, my parents still loved me and showed it to me too, which I believe is really important. Sometimes, parents do love their children but always show a hard exterior to scare them into being disciplined/study better. It works to an extent, but also gives rise to horrible examples such as this.
LikeLiked by 2 people
So true…as parents we also need to be careful with our style of parenting because they can have serious psychological effects which can affect them as adults… low self-esteem, drug abuse and a host of other things.
LikeLiked by 2 people
True, but then again no one is perfect. We as imperfect people raise imperfect children. Yet, the consequences shouldn’t be so bad as to psychologically cripple your offspring as you rightly pointed out.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Parents should allow kids to grow as per his own aptitude and shall never force for a particular way of life. On the other hand the kids ought to put 100% of their capacity and avoid unwarranted pressure.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Of course, forcefully done things are never the best. The result always lacks in one thing or the other. Anything should be done by one’s own motivation yet the parents have an obligation to motivate their children in the right direction. It is a two edged sword, but with great risk come great rewards. Quite agree with you here.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on Beckie's Mental Mess and commented:
“Shining Gem” posted the following piece, that I felt necessary to reblog due to its content.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thanks for sharing it Becky. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for sharing this piece. Awesome read.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree. You can’t go wrong with loving people. I must fill my cup with His love first then I have something to offer. This is a close topic to me also. I think it is important to take any sign or comments that people indicate suicidal ideation very seriously.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I agree. Talking helps a lot. Communication is the key here.
LikeLiked by 1 person
When I heard suicidal… It squeezes my heart, I felt very emotional. I don’t know why, perhaps I never think for myself committing a suicide, despite when I was orphan.
My thoughts for suicidal is “WEAKNESS”
We can’t blame them, the understanding, capacity of people committing suicide is limited…
I strongly agree with some comments above that the lack of parents guidance has a negative impact on someone’s life committing a suicide.
As shining gem comments, I repeat: “Anything should be done by one’s own motivation”
I have so many struggles in life, way back 1997 to 2004. I have been almost killed twice, became a victim of police brutality, and a lot’s of ups and down. But I never think of “Suicidal”.
This article is very interesting….
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you, and I am glad you didn’t commit suicide. I hope you live long to a ripe old age.
LikeLiked by 2 people
This goes straight to the issue of mental health. As the world and subsequently the national population increases so will the stresses that cause mental health problems in ALL facets of society. People seem to have this affinity of assigning emphasis to their cause by using the term “epidemic” to make their point. Well…. no nation on this planet is taking serious the true epidemic of mental health. Student suicides is just one of many, many arms of this problem. Terrorism, random violence, rape, depression, nutcase shooters… nearly everything in our lives relates in some form to issues of mental health. Yet there is no formal endeavor to actually understand the problem and try to formulate some level of social “treatment” to address these issues in society.
LikeLiked by 3 people
You’re right. Mental health isn’t stressed on enough.
LikeLike
Wow👌👌👌thank you for writing on this.
Very sensitive topic. It happens everytime, everywhere. Parents need to take it easy and high time they realise that their unfulfilled dreams should not be imposed on their children. School administration and parents play a major role in becoming a pillar of strength to students and train them not just to pass academic test but face life as a winner which is a test throughout.
LikeLiked by 4 people
Very true Jayshree ji, very true.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Perfectly said… just perfect…I totally agree…!!
LikeLiked by 2 people
🙏@kedawithani
LikeLiked by 2 people
Very sensitive topic but depression can be due to many more things which leads to suicide. There is a need of awareness.
LikeLiked by 2 people
True. I hope people take notice.
LikeLike
This is a subject that needs to be talked about much more. Suicide, in general. We were out of school but I’ve lost two friends to suicide.
LikeLiked by 3 people
That’s so sad.
LikeLike
It is. I, myself, have bipolar disorder so I’ve had my moments. I use to self-harm and almost killed myself once. I’m much better now, thanks to medication but I think there’s too much stigma attached to mental health, especially for teens. We need to end that stigma so we can reach out to the people that need help.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s even sadder to know. It is true how much of a negative stigma we have in our society.
For example, if someone tells you “Person A has cancer” you immediately go, “oh that’s so sad, I hope he gets well, I hope he gets that charity money for treatment. ”
But if someone tells you that “Person A has schizophrenia” the reaction would be “Ooh I wouldn’t wanna meet that guy.”
LikeLiked by 1 person
Exactly! They also will expect someone to get treatment for cancer or other physical ailments but don’t understand when it’s a mental illness. They think someone should just toughen up.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is a great post and one I agree with whole-heartedly. In case of some students its difficult to understand if they are happy or not, while some clearly show a very destructive or depressing streak. Counselling is important but more important is relieving these kids of the pressure they have been subjected to since the day they step into a school. I have said it before, and I say it every time at each opportunity – there’s too much competition in this world to be good for anyone. We are choking away their best years, their childhood, their right to have fun and live as much as they can before the vagaries of adulthood consume them. Excellent article! May I reblog this?
LikeLiked by 2 people
Sure. Reblogs are always appreciated. 😊
Also, you’re right, competition is good as long as it is healthy. Too much competition can break even the most hardest of adults, let alone children and adolescents.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s true. Thank you for letting me reblog. I’m sure my readers will appreciate it. Have a great day
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Mrs Pradita. Your support is much appreciated. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re most welcome Mr…. I still don’t know your name 😉 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Soon enough you will. 😁 but not here, perhaps some other communication channel.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sure. I’m just joking. I know some folks aren’t comfortable with revealing their names in public and the reasons behind it are all very reasonable. So don’t take it seriously 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Fair enough. 👍🏿
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on The Pradita Chronicles and commented:
Dear Readers,
Take a pause from your schedules and please read this article from fellow-blogger Shining Gem on Student Suicides. I’m sure you will relate with it.
There may have been times when you were a student yourself and faced admonishment for lower grades or unruly behaviour. Or you may be a parent who has to discipline an aggressive teen. Or you may just know someone who is depressed and needs help. Either way, it is our responsibility as a parent, a society and as human beings, to help students who struggle with depression and anxiety owing to the pressure and competition prevailing in our school systems these days.
Please, change things while you still can…
LikeLiked by 2 people
Very well written. Student suicides are so sad. It makes my heart go numb. Student life is very difficult in India now. A society that gives utmost freedom and respect to its children will get mentally stable and good adult citizens for generations to come. Sadly, India does not understand this. Focus on discipline and professional careers is wreaking the future of our children.
LikeLiked by 3 people
amazing post👍👌keep it up👍
LikeLiked by 2 people
Great post, I lost a friend to suicide, the effects are nothing short of devastating
LikeLiked by 2 people
That’s so sad.
LikeLike
I just had someone I know commit suicide because she felt she couldn’t live on other people’s boxes. She felt caged and stuck and just wanted to be free from the pain. Society was demanding her be something she could never command of herself. Sad
LikeLiked by 2 people
Sad, but I don’t condone her actions.
LikeLike
exactly right, life is too precious
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can’t imagine what you must have felt when you were living so close to the place where it happened. Suicides are common in our college too. Just few days back a junior committed suicide in hostel
LikeLiked by 2 people
That’s just so sad.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Such a growing issue. Let’s hope we’ll be able to curb it well
LikeLiked by 2 people
I hope so too. Thanks for commenting. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Welcome. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
My parents did not press me but I feel high pressure for another reason, including society and the lack of job opportunities for ordinary people
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yeah even peer pressure is a big point to discuss when discussing a topic like this.
LikeLike
In my opinion parents need not everytime let their offsprings realise that they care for them.. I mean that goes without saying.. children should know that..
Moreover, I had read somewhere that if we let our happiness depend on something or someone than we are bound to be upset..
One should be happy and living for oneself rather than others..
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’m starting to wonder if universities practice academic hazing, because there are some bureaucratic steps or rituals that can be eliminated to prevent undue pressure on students.
LikeLiked by 2 people
True
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is all very true. There is way too much pressure put on students these days.
LikeLiked by 2 people
No, I’m actually very serious. In my situation, I have a difficult supervisor, who is not just taking things out on me but also other supervisors. I was told I needed to withdraw if I want to change supervisors. So, there is a university culture where they feel this type of behavior is acceptable. Also, I have been talking with other academics and they acknowledged that they will not do change of supervisions easily because they want to “build resilient students.”
LikeLiked by 2 people
suicide is heartful even if its a teenager an adult or an old man anyone taking there life with his own hands just think what will be going through his or her head what kind of thoughts and sadness they would have cause we get hurt or scream just by finger bleeding when cut an onion or when we fell how much we get worried or if we are sick we want to get better but the person who wants to take his own life is so lonely hurt inside i can feel that no one never should take this step , its not only the parents its the SOCIETY we live in today take it as india and pakistan japan south korea they have made studying such a life and death issue so much pressure in schools when they are only 4 and 5 year old so much home work given the student mental health is ignored only the marks matter which is sad cause if the student is healthy happy his marks will be good but if he is scolded , beaten, insulted ,made fun of , bullied,ashamed,and stressful it will lead to his death
LikeLiked by 1 person
The solution can only come by tackling the causes. Most of which I think is depression and financial breakdown
LikeLiked by 1 person
Way to be a voice…
LikeLike